


Where you once belonged

by MidgardianNerd



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, M/M, Smuggler Ben Solo, Smut, Spice Runner Poe Dameron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:27:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21992941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd
Summary: Poe Dameron's Spice business as a recurrent problem in the form of a smuggler who seems obsessed with him.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 7
Kudos: 41





	Where you once belonged

**Author's Note:**

  * For [idrilhadhafang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/gifts).



> For Idril, my partner in crime, who had a rough day yesterday. Sorry it took me so long to write it. But I had fun to work with the prompt you gave me. I couldn't have imagined how fun could be writing for Spice Runner Poe Dameron.

There was a sudden thud above their heads and Poe looked up to their ship’s ceiling, groaning when he heard several more thuds, like someone walking on their ship from the outside. Poe followed the steps, hearing them leading their sudden guest to the backdoor of their ship. 

“That’s him?” asked Zorii, almost bored, like it was usual and in a way, it was. 

“That’s him.” groaned back Poe, pushing on the lever, making their ship following the old conveyex train rail, hoping that the sudden thrust would throw their attacker flying far away from their ship. 

“How do they always know where we are?” asked his friend, already checking her double blasters to face their rival. 

“Like I knew.” grumbled Poe, hating the intense gaze Zorii gave him, knowing exactly what she was thinking. 

Their rival appeared in their lives two years ago, stealing the spice cargo of Poe’s runner ring with smugness. It brought a lot of problems to their ring and Zorii was ready to go to war against them. Except they had no clue after whom they were looking. But the man appeared back two months later, stealing another of their spice cargo, fighting with them like it was another day. It was now a regular thing, the man, calling himself Ren after a furious Poe asked him one day before he disappeared a new time with their cargo. So Ren was appearing every two or three months, even when Poe’s ring was taking more and more dangerous and further missions, and stealing their cargo. Thanks to him, it was now difficult for Poe’s ring to find jobs and employers, knowing too well that they were the only target of this man. 

Zorii’s theory was that he was only there for Poe. Poe preferred to not agree with that but he couldn’t ignore it when Ren had no scrupules to shoot on people except for Poe. Poe spent months trying to guess who he was, if he was someone from his past. But except for his father, Poe knew nobody who will be willing to come here saving him from this life Poe couldn’t escape anymore. And judging how Ren was fighting, he was definitely stronger and younger than Kes Dameron was. Poe didn’t know how he was but Ren was really beginning to put Poe’s position of official pilot of their ring in danger. If Zorii was right, Poe was the only one responsible of their repudiation in the Spice business. And Poe wasn’t enough a fool to believe that these people who welcomed him five years ago would sacrifice their business for him. More likely they would sacrifice Poe first. 

They heard the backdoor of their ship being opened, or more likely ripped off, followed by blaster shots and screams of pain. Zorii stood up, her mask hiding her determined look to give to Ren a shot of his own medicine. 

“Get us out of there while I’m welcoming your little friend.” said Zorii and Poe wanted to protest but his friend was already outside the cockpit, shooting at their guest. 

Poe tried to focus on piloting, flying in zigzag to destabilize Ren but from the amount of shots and screams he could hear, it didn’t help. Poe got the idea to fly upwards, their ship almost vertical now, hoping that it will make Ren falling and finally letting Poe alone. 

“Dameron!” screamed Zorii and Poe looked behind him. “What are you doing?”

His friend was hanging one of the ship walls. Poe could see the rest of the crew falling to Vandor’s ground and Poe felt nausea rising in his throat, realizing that he was helping Ren by killing his own mates. Ren of course, was unbothered by Poe’s tactics. The young pilot groaned when he spotted magnetic boots on Ren’s feet. Poe hated how this man looked to always been one step ahead them. Ren, wrapped in his dark blue robes, goggles on his face and scarves wrapped around his head to hide his lower face. 

Ren was already harnessing their cargo to ropes and Poe saw the shadow of another ship flying above them, ready to receive the spice freight. Poe knew that it was already too late. Now that Ren had his hands on it, whatever Poe would try wouldn’t work. Poe straightened the ship and put the automatic pilot before unfastening his seatbelt. The young man grabbed his blaster, shooting with no hesitation on Ren. 

His enemy shook out of his focus on the freight before looking at Poe. Even with goggles, Poe could feel his intense eyes on him. Poe decided to take his chance, supposing that Zorii’s theory about Ren’s care for Poe’s safety and he kept shooting on him, the other man retreating towards the exit, lowering his head and moving like a graceful dancer to avoid Poe’s shots. Ren was finally standing on the edge of the ship, ready to disappear in Vandor’s sky. Poe could see the cold harsh wind making long dark hair floating under the scarf on his head. Suddenly, their freight slid on the floor to be thrown in the air, already being hauled towards the second ship. 

“Why?” screamed Poe, his hold on his blaster tightening. He could shoot. The target was clear, he could touch Ren without missing. But something was holding him back. If this man was really doing that only for him, Poe wanted to know why. 

But Ren didn’t answer. He just looked long at Poe’s face before turning off his magnetic boots. Then, with a smug military salute, the man jumped into the void. Poe didn’t really think in the following second. He just let his instinct leading him and that was why he was jumping after Ren, under Zorii’s screams. 

Poe saw Ren hanging on a rope coming from the second ship and Poe swore to never be that stupid again if he survived to this foolish move. It went almost too fast for Poe to truly understand what was coming. Ren slid down along the rope, almost until the end before he managed to grab Poe’s jacket. 

Poe hissed when he felt the pain throbbing in his arms. Looking above, he saw Ren looking down at him, his long dark hair now uncovered. Ren suddenly looked above both of them and Poe followed his gaze, understanding what would happen once he saw the bleeding hand wrapped around the rope. The only hand which was stopping them to go crashing themselves on Vandor’s snowy floor. 

“Don’t fucking let it go.” groaned Poe, his voice almost eaten by the harsh wind around them, making their weird embrace even more unstable and dangerous. 

“I’m trying.” spat out Ren, pissed off, and Poe had forgotten how deep and low was his voice, the man never talked to him except for saying his name once. 

Poe grabbed Ren’s forearm, trying to lift the pressure on his body so he could keep his hand wrapped around the rope. Poe heard his enemy-currently ally groaning due to the effort and the pain it throbbed in his arm. Suddenly, they slid down further and Poe looked up at Ren, looking down at him. Suddenly, they weren’t anymore enemies but two men who were on the point to die and Poe felt his heart shrinking with fear, because he would never see his father again. Because there were people he loved there in that galaxy and he would never be able to say goodbye. Because he would die without knowing what Ren looked like. 

Poe looked into Ren’s eyes hidden behind goggles. He couldn’t see them but he could feel his fear in the way Ren was hanging on Poe’s forearm, his fingers digging into Poe’s flesh, refusing to let him go, even if it could save him. They weren’t enemies anymore. And in a strange way, it comforted Poe. So the young pilot offered a soft smile to Ren, hearing the other man gasping before his hand finally let go the rope and both fell into the clouds, disappearing in Vandor’s crevices. 

* * *

When Poe opened his eyes, he didn’t know how much time it has been since his body landed on the ground. But the amount of snow on him let him guess that it was definitely more than few minutes. The young pilot groaned when he tried to stand up, his whole body suffering but after checking himself, he realized that he had no serious injuries except for some bruises. 

Poe finally managed to go on his feet. The pilot looked around him. He was at the deep bottom of one of the many crevasses spreading into Vandor’s landscape. The crack was so deep that the sun was barely able to reach him, letting Poe in half darkness, needing time for his eyes to get used to it. 

After few seconds, Poe was finally to see around him and that was when he spotted an unconscious form laying few meters further. Poe recognized Ren’s dark blue robes and he ran to his side. He owed his life to that man and Poe felt terrified to discover if Ren really traded his life for Poe’s. Even if the man was insufferable and putting Poe’s job in extreme difficulties, Poe never wanted for him to die. Not like that. Not because of him. 

Poe knelt at Ren’s side, his hands shaking above his body, fearing to hurt him more. Poe winced when he spotted several cuts into his robes and Poe realized that Ren got less lucky than him and fell on sharp rocks. Poe took a deep breath before turning slowly the man on his back. He sighed with relief when he heard Ren moaning. Poe inspected Ren’s body quickly before looking at his face, worrying when he saw blood flooding on his face from a deep cut on his forehead. 

Poe cleaned the wound with snow, wiping off the blood with his own hands as much as he could. He heard Ren whining due to pain and Poe whispered few words to ask forgiveness even if the man couldn’t hear him. 

The man was still dozing, half-conscious, when Poe began to unwrap the scarf around his head. Poe frowned when he discovered a pale face dotting with moles. The young pilot felt his heart beating stronger into his chest, wanting nothing more than to rip off his ribcage from the inside. It couldn’t be. Even if these full lips and strong nose looked familiar. It couldn’t be. 

But Poe needed to know. With shaking hands, Poe ripped off the goggles hiding Ren’s face. He felt the other man suddenly jolting with panic, trying to stop him. But it was too late. Under Poe’s eyes, a face that he knew too well. A face he thought he would never see again. Under his eyes, Ben Solo’s big dark eyes were looking at him in mutual shock and Poe felt his heart shrinking into his chest. 

Both men were looking at each other, their lips parted like they wanted to talk but didn’t know what to say. Poe could feel tears filling his eyes and he could see the same thing in Ben’s intense gaze. Poe wanted to believe that he didn’t remember how long it had been since the last time he saw this face. But in fact, it was the complete reverse. He knew too well how much time spent since the last time he had been able to enjoy Ben Solo’s beautiful face. 

Five years, seven months and three days. It has been five years, seven months and three days since Ben Solo left the Jedi Academy with his father without a warning, even for his family. Even for Poe. He left them. All of them. Like nobody cared. Like nobody mattered. Like Poe was nobody for him. Poe felt that rage which never toned down for the last five years mauling his heart stronger than ever before. 

He knew Ben understood what was happening in Poe’s mind because suddenly, the man pushed him away from him. He got on his feet while Poe grabbed the blaster harnessed to his thigh and began to shoot on him. 

None of Poe’s shots reached their target because Ben used the Force to deflect them and it made Poe even angrier. What was the point of Ben leaving without a trace if he was still a Jedi in the end? Except hurting Poe and breaking his heart beyond repair? 

“Poe!” called Ben, hissing when Poe managed to shoot him in the shoulder. 

“Shut up!” groaned Poe and he saw Ben frowning before he sent him back one of his shots thanks to the Force. Yet the man made a point to not do any harm to Poe because it crashed too high to really touch Poe and hurt him.

“I’M SORRY!” screamed back Ben and Poe’s vision went red.

“THAT’S TOO LATE.” shouted Poe, shooting faster and he saw Ben struggling to restrain the blows to keep them both safe. 

“LISTEN TO ME, YOU IDIOT!” screamed Ben and for a second, it reminded to Poe their arguments when they were little boys, when it was a screaming contest, to know which one could be louder. 

“YOU ABANDONED ME!” yelled Poe so much that his throat hurt, tears finally rolling down his cheeks because he finally said it loud. All these years, Poe refused to admit it, refused to accept that his best friend, his partner in crime didn’t want him anymore. He refused to admit that his everything wasn’t feeling the same because saying it was making it real. And it would have killed Poe. 

“I KNOW!” yelled back Ben, out of breath, like exhausted and maybe he was. Poe didn’t know if it made him feeling better. 

Poe’s mind was feeling like a hurricane and his body reacted instinctively. Seeing Ben vulnerable like that was an opportunity and Poe shot again. Except this time, Ben tended his hand towards Poe and the young pilot felt his whole body freezing. Poe was unable to move and that Ben dared to use a Force trick on him made him furious. 

Poe felt reluctantly his body being dragged towards Ben without he was able to do anything against it. Once they were facing each other, Poe could finally see at Ben’s face and he hated that seeing these dark eyes full of sorrow and regrets and guilt, shining with tears, made him wanting nothing else than to take him in his arms. 

Ben had no right to make him feeling like that. He had no right to still be so important for Poe. He had no right and yet, Poe wanted for Ben to tell him that everything would be alright now. Poe felt the hold on his body being released and he threw himself forwards, to punch him or hug him, Poe wasn’t sure. 

Apparently, Ben knew for him because he grabbed Poe’s fist before pushing him on the ground. Ben lay on Poe’s body, pinning him down with only his strength and Poe felt his body betraying him in Ben’s presence. 

The last time they saw each other, they were both teens. Ben was a lanky clumsy boy, embarrassed by his own body. Now, Ben was a young man with a muscular body and so much power. Poe shivered, feeling all Ben’s strength on him. The feelings between them never had been forgotten. And a touch was enough for them to remember them too well, too much, too hard. 

Ben’s big nose brushed against Poe’s, their faces so close and Poe couldn’t help to count Ben’s moles, like he was doing when he was a little boy and couldn’t sleep, looking at his best friend sleeping and being amazed by Ben’s beautiful face, looking like a night full of bright stars in reversed colors. 

They were both out of breath, their eyes unable to look away from this person they missed so much. Poe gasped when Ben’s strong hand framed the side of his face, his cold skin warming Poe’s. He felt Ben’s thumb softly brushing against his cheekbone, like Poe was made of precious krystal. Like he couldn’t believe that Poe was there. That he could touch him. 

“I know.” whispered Ben, his voice shaking with vulnerability and Poe could finally recognize this voice. The same one which always asked for a hug after a nightmare. 

Both were now crying, without shame. They never tried to hide their emotions from each other and even time couldn’t change that. Poe realized now how much he had felt alone these last five years. How his supposed new family knew absolutely nothing about him. Contrary to this man. Who knew everything about Poe.

“I looked for you for the last five years.” whispered Ben, his eyes travelling on Poe’s face like he forgot what he looked like. Like he feared Poe would disappear again and he wanted to save this sight forever. 

“Why?” cried out Poe, biting down his lower lip. He knew he should be angry. And he was. But Ben was there. Touching him. Looking at him like Poe was mattering. And Poe wanted to believe that it was true. 

“Because I love you.” answered Ben, his deep eyes burning with softness and Poe gasped. He had forgotten how it felt to be loved by Ben Solo. 

Poe closed his eyes, tears wetting his cheeks. He felt Ben’s soft hand framing his other cheek and Poe covered Ben’s right hand with his, their fingers brushing and Poe breathed out in a sob. His fingers wrapped around Ben’s hand. He needed to feel him. He needed for Ben to play his anchor. For once, he needed for Ben to let him being vulnerable and for Ben to be the strongest one. 

“I’m a Spice Runner now.” mumbled Poe and he never hated these words that much than at this right moment. 

“Poe!” called softly Ben, his thumb brushing against Poe’s lower lip and the young man opened his eyes to look at him. “Should it stop me to love you?” asked quietly Ben. 

Ben let Poe sounding his heart and soul. But nothing truly changed. There was still the same affection burning in them. The same bond that only years spent together had built. There was still the same love. Except Ben wasn’t shy about it anymore. Now, he was wearing his love for Poe with pride and ardor. Now, he wanted for Poe to see it. And Poe saw it. 

The young pilot looked up at Ben, his eyes shining with tears but he couldn’t hold back a soft smile to slide on his lips. His fingers brushed against Ben’s temple, fearing to touch him, wondering if he died with this fall and reuniting with Ben was just a way for the Force to make him dying easier. But then, Ben smiled. This full smile which let his teeth appearing. This dorky smile Poe spent hours memorizing, doing all the stupids things coming to his mind just to see Ben smiling like that to him. Ben smiled and Poe knew that it was real. Because his mind could never do justice to the beauty of this sight. 

Poe cradled carefully Ben’s face in his hands before leaning upwards, their mouths resting against each other. It was just a touch of their lips. Soft, slow, chaste. But to them, it was everything. The old memory of a stolen awkward first and lone kiss before Ben left for the Academy mixed with this new moment. And Poe’s heart sighed with relief. 

* * *

Hours later, they had found a place for the night in a cave, sheltered from the harsh winds of Vandor. Poe was shivering due to the cold while watching Ben trying to light a fire with the few pieces of wood he found on their path. 

Poe couldn’t look away from his former friend’s face. In the last five years, Ben grew in a man. A beautiful man, like Poe always suspected he would. His big ears were now hidden by his long hair and Poe kinda missed them. Ben always had been embarrassed by them but the way he was blushing when Poe was kissing them to comfort him was a memory Poe always hold close to his heart when he was feeling lonely and homesick at night. Ben still had his massive deep dark eyes but Poe could see how much the childish innocence was now replaced by the knowledge of the real world and what monstrosity could be hiding there. 

Poe wondered where Ben was, what he did and saw in the three years between him leaving the Academy and Ren appearing to hunt Poe Dameron. Poe felt like he grew up too much, too quickly. Probably like him. They weren’t boys anymore. But Poe knew that even if they had been separated for so long, them reuniting was the right thing. Poe could feel it in his whole body. In his bones. In his blood. In his heart and soul. 

“Got it!” chuckled Ben when finally the first flames appeared and Poe couldn’t help smiling, watching Ben wearing proudly his dork smile, looking so much like his father at this moment. 

The young man sat at the other side of the fire, mimicking Poe’s posture. Poe could feel Ben’s eyes wandering on his face, following the light of flames licking Poe’s face. Poe tried to not look back at Ben. He knew that if he did it, he would forget everything he wanted to ask to Ben. And Poe needed answers. 

“So?” mumbled Poe.

“So what?” grumbled back Ben, his eyes lost in the flames and Poe could feel their both reluctance to talk. Like speaking would put in danger the fragile truce they found until now. None of them were truly ready to say goodbye to each other now they reunited. 

“You’re gonna tell me why you left?” asked Poe. He was so scared to lose Ben after finding him back but he knew also that none of them could move on if they kept silent. 

“Yeah.” finally sighed Ben. “I probably owe you that.” he added, wrapping his arms around his knees against his chest, like he knew their conversation would hurt him and he wanted to protect himself. From who? Poe couldn’t tell. 

Ben rubbed his face with an exhausted hand before looking at Poe. Poe tried to remain as neutral as he could. 

“Do you...do you remember my imaginary friend?” asked shyly Ben and Poe nodded, frowning. 

Ben spent years talking about him, so much that Poe began to get jealous that Ben seemed to have another best friend. And suddenly one day, Ben stopped talking about him and assured Poe that he disappeared. Ben grew a little bit secretive after that but Poe didn’t realize it at that moment, only relieved to have his best friend back. 

“He wasn’t that imaginary.” whispered Ben, looking away from Poe.

“Wh...what?” struggled out Poe. “You...he disappeared.” added Poe and he saw Ben biting his lips, like ashamed of something.

“He never left.” confessed Ben and Poe could see tears filling his big eyes. Poe wanted nothing more than to join Ben’s side but everything in Ben’s position indicated him that he wouldn’t welcome him. Not right now. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” asked Poe, trying to tone down the betrayal in his voice but he knew Ben heard him when he saw the young man flinching. 

“Because you loved me more without him.” breathed out Ben and he sounded so much like the little frightened boy he was once that Poe felt his heart roaring with rage in his chest. 

Poe’s eyes were full of tears and the young pilot didn’t know how to hold them back. Now, he realized how much he never knew about a part of Ben’s life and it made him angry and sad. He always thought to have been the strongest support in Ben’s life, after Han Solo, and now Poe realized that he also had been a part of Ben’s sufferings. 

His friend was hiding his painful memories behind dark strands of hair falling before his eyes. But Poe could see how tensed were his shoulders and how his chin was wobbling with sobs he refused to let out. 

“Ben!” whispered weakly Poe but Ben shut his eyes, tears hanging on his eyelashes. 

“Uncle Luke was supposed to help me.” groaned painfully Ben, refusing to stop talking, like he feared to not have the strength to keep up if he allowed Poe to speak. “But the voice was still there.” he added, his hand mimicking a terrifying grip at his temple and Poe could guess all the pain Ben felt with this presence in his mind. “And stronger than before now that...I was alone.” gasped Ben, opening his eyes to look at the flames. “Without Dad. Without you.” cried the young man, tears rolling down his cheeks. 

Poe couldn’t refrain himself anymore and he walked to Ben’s side, sitting next to him. Ben was still refusing to look at him but Poe took his hand, entwining their fingers on his lap. 

“I knew...I knew that if I followed the Jedi Path, it would lead me to...to the Dark Side.” breathed out Ben, like the idea was physically hurting him. 

“You would never have done that Ben.” whispered Poe, putting back strands of hair behind Ben’s ear and the young man finally looked at him.

“I would have Poe.” mumbled Ben, his cheek leaning against Poe’s palm. “I...I have this darkness in me. I can feel it.” he added, his eyes screaming for Poe to believe him. 

“But you refused it.” smiled softly Poe, his thumb brushing against the corner of Ben’s smile.

“I’m trying.” sighed shyly Ben.

“That’s enough.” answered Poe, his hand cradling Ben’s jawline before dragging him against his own body. 

Ben didn’t hesitate and wrapped his arms around Poe, burying his nose in Poe’s neck while his friend kiss his temple. Poe’s fingers softly stroke the back of Ben’s neck, the young man smiling at how soft Ben’s hair felt. Poe couldn’t remember the last time he had a physical contact with someone he cared about. Sure, Zorii was his friend. But they never shared the physical affection he shared all his life with Ben. Poe only realized now how much he missed to have someone in his arms. 

Poe felt Ben’s fingers digging into his jacket, like he feared Poe would disappear. But frankly, Poe wouldn’t want to be somewhere else than here. They had no food, no way to know if someone would come to save them but Poe didn’t care. This moment only belonged to Ben and he. When Poe shivered, Ben began to retreat from Poe’s embrace and the young man let him go, even if he sought for more time. 

When they looked back at each other, their red puffy eyes and wet cheeks made them chuckling. Ben grabbed the hem of his sweater’s sleeve before wiping off Poe’s face, the pilot’s chin in his hand to keep his steady. Poe waited for Ben to finish with a smile before doing the same for him, reminding him when they were taking baths together as children, making of Shara’s bathroom a battlefield mined with foam. 

Poe frowned when Ben stood up without a word. The young man began to unwrap his robes and Poe blushed softly. When he was left in a simple sweater and his trousers, the young man sat back front Poe, wrapping his robes around Poe’s shoulders. Poe sighed when he felt the warmth surrounding him. 

“You always hated the cold.” smiled shyly Ben and Poe chuckled softly before getting closer to Ben, sliding under his arm. 

“You always gave me too much.” answered Poe, throwing the robes on Ben’s shoulders so they could share its warmth before cuddling his head on Ben’s shoulder. 

Poe felt Ben’s arm tightening around his back and the young man sighed when his friend pressed him harder against his flank. He missed that too. But then, Poe missed absolutely everything about Ben. 

* * *

Poe woke up when he felt coldness infiltrating into his bones. Rubbing his eyes, Poe realized that the fire died during the night, night which wasn’t yet over. Poe felt Ben sleeping behind him, an arm around Poe’s waist, his steady breath tickling Poe’s neck. The young pilot turned in Ben’s arms to face him, cuddling closer to Ben’s muscular body and the young man reacted instinctively by pressing Poe against him. 

Poe managed to get one of his arms out from the robes wrapped around him and he couldn’t resist to draw along Ben’s features with the tip of his index. Poe’s finger followed Ben’s eyebrow before sliding under his right eye, making it twitching in his sleep. Poe smiled softly, loving to see Ben so peaceful, so hungry for his touch. Poe lined along Ben’s nose before his index ended on Ben’s full lips, these ones parting softly under Poe’s touch. 

Poe couldn’t resist and he came closer, his nose brushing against Ben’s, his eyes wandering on Ben’s face. With some hesitation, Poe brushed his lips against Ben’s, his eyes still looking for a sign of Ben refusing his advances. But Ben was still sleeping, his lips twitching softly when Poe licked them. Poe finally rest his mouth against Ben and he was ready to step back when he felt Ben’s mouth transforming into a smile before Ben threw a leg on Poe’s waist, letting him unable to escape.

Then, Ben opened his mouth for a hungry kiss and Poe let him ravishing his mouth, moaning when he felt Ben’s tongue sounding his mouth. Poe felt his whole body awakening, now fully aware of Ben’s strong body against him, his cock twitching with interest. Ben grabbed Poe’s thigh while Poe slid his hands in Ben’s hair, their lips never leaving each other. 

The young pilot felt Ben sliding his leg between Poe’s and they both gasped when their cocks brushed. Then, and only then, they opened back his eyes to look at each other. Wanting to be sure they wanted the same thing. Forehead against forehead, both were panting in each other’s mouth. Poe could see Ben’s eyes pleading for Poe to do whatever he wanted with him. Poe nodded and the young pilot saw his lover licking nervously his lips before moving softly his hips.

Both men moaned when they laps pressed against each other. They looked at each other mildly shocked. Poe wondered if Ben has been truthful to the memory of their first kiss, or if there had been others. Poe didn’t know if he wanted to know. He didn’t know if he could support to know that someone else touched Ben, loved him when Poe couldn’t. 

Poe couldn’t think about that anymore when Ben moved against his hips, their cocks brushing again and the young man moaned, throwing his head backwards, exposing his neck to Poe’s hungry eyes. The young pilot couldn’t resist and he licked the tender skin there, biting softly Ben’s jawline. Ben looked down at him before taking again his lips in his, both sharing a languishing kiss while they were rubbing against each other. 

Poe never imagined their first time to be like that. And it was far from perfect. But it was real. It wasn’t anymore a dream that made easier for Poe to feel asleep. No! It was real. Ben’s body going stiff in his arms before the young man screamed his orgasm in Poe’s ear was real and now memories that Poe would cherish forever. Ben buried his face in Poe’s neck, his hand pressing Poe’s arse so the young man would rub harder against him and finally find his release. 

Poe came with a long sigh, his nails scratching Ben’s scalp and he felt his lover letting out a shaky breath against his warm skin. When they were both done with recovering from their climax, they looked at each other but didn’t break their embrace. Their noses were brushing and Poe was peppering Ben’s mouths with soft kisses while both of them tried to find back their breaths. 

“I love you.” whispered Ben. “Only you.” he added, his nose drawing along Poe’s jawline.

“I know.” whispered back Poe and he heard Ben chuckling against his neck, just under his ear, before kissing him softly there. 

Ben rest his head on Poe’s chest, his head fitting perfectly under Poe’s chin and the young pilot kissed softly his hair before mumbling the old lullaby Shara used to sing to them before going to sleep. He felt Ben gasping against his skin before his embrace tightened harder around Poe’s waist. Poe answered with sliding his fingers back in Ben’s hair and the young man sighed with pleasure and relief. They were back to the only place they truly belonged. 

* * *

They woke up late the next morning to the sound of a ship approaching the cave they found refuge in. Both men fumbled on their feet, trying to determine if the ship was there for Poe or for Ben. Poe feared to go outside. It meant his time with Ben was coming to its end and Poe couldn’t bear it. 

Ben and he ran to the exit, their eyes scanning the horizon. Poe hoped for the Falcon to appear. If the Falcon was there first, so Poe could still have the possibility to leave with Ben. But it was the dark metal of Poe’s ship which appeared and for the first time in his life, Poe hated the appearance of his own ship. Poe knew he had to leave with them. And when he looked at Ben, he knew that Ben understood that too. 

Poe saw Zorii and other runners appearing at the backdoor of the ship, their blasters already targeting Ben and Poe wanted to scream for them to not shoot. But Ben didn’t let him. Instead, he took Poe’s shoulders in his hands so his lover could face him and only him. 

“Go home Poe. Take back your life.” smiled softly Ben, his hands cradling Poe’s face, his eyes shining with tears. “Go home.” he added while both of them could hear blaster shots rushing on them. 

“I...I don’t know if I can.” sobbed Poe, his eyes wet with tears and he wanted to let them down when he felt Ben’s thumbs brushing on his cheeks. 

“I trust you.” answered Ben, his soft deep voice giving to Poe all the love he had. 

Poe gasped but couldn’t answer because Ben dragged him to his lips, capturing Poe’s mouth in a hungry kiss and Poe answered with the same ardor, knowing that it would be days, maybe even months before he could kiss him again. When their lips separated, their foreheads rest against each other for too short seconds. 

Too soon, Ben’s fingers left Poe’ skin and the young man opened back his eyes when he felt Ben’s warmth getting away from him. Ben walked backwards to the edge of the cliff, his eyes never leaving him, his smile always there on these beautiful lips. 

Suddenly, Ben jumped into the void and Poe wanted to scream but was too shocked, his heart literally stopped to beat into his chest. Few seconds later, the Millenium Falcon flew above their head, Ben Solo hanging on lowered ramp and Poe breathed again before a large grin slid on his lips. 

“I’m not giving up on you Poe Dameron.” screamed Ben, the famous Solo smirk on his lips and Poe couldn’t help laughing, feeling like the weight he felt on his heart for the last five years was finally robbed from him. And Poe, for once, really didn’t mind. 

Ben climbed back into the Falcon before the ramp closed and the Falcon flew away, its white sheet metal disappearing quickly in the cloudy sky of Vandor. Poe was still looking at where the Falcon was when Zorii joined him. 

“Who is he?” asked the woman, her fingers pinching the dark blue robes still wrapped around Poe’s body and only there the young pilot realized that he could smell Ben’s scent all around him even if the man wasn’t there anymore. 

“My home.” answered Poe with a soft smile, the sun of Vandor making him feeling alive for the first time in a very long time. 

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: @midgardiannerd  
> Our Tumblr: @knightsofdamnren


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